Tag Archives: Jesus

Your Love Was Greater

There is a pain that is so deep it seems unreachable yet tangible, present yet so surreal, forgiven and yet still so grievous.

That pain will always be with me, at least this side of Heaven. Yes, I’m forgiven by God and I’ve forgiven myself but the pain, it never leaves, and I’m not sure I would want it to.

You see, it’s because of that pain that I’m able to love deeply, and to reach out to others who have endured their own painful past.

But because I’m forgiven my past is no longer a reminder of shame and guilt but a platform to lead others out of darkness and captivity into truth and freedom through Christ.

It’s because of Jesus and the pain He endured that I understand the cost of my salvation, a debt I could never repay. Those who have been forgiven much, love much.

My sin was great, Your love was greater. What a beautiful name it is. Jesus. 

We can’t change our past but we can give it to Him and when we do He gives us a message. We can't change our past but we can give it to Him and when we do He gives us a message. Click To Tweet

Tonight I had the house all to myself which is pretty rare so I chose to relax and watch October Baby, a movie very dear to my heart. I’ve seen it many times before but I feel as if I take something more from it each time I watch. It was this quote that stood out to me.

“Only in forgiveness can you be free…”

There’s a part of me that has struggled believing that I had a right to speak out against abortion because I’m a post-abortive woman.

I’ve used my voice to talk about my own pain but to be honest, I’ve worried that if I spoke out publicly against abortion that others would see me as a hypocrite.

But who better to speak out against the atrocities of war than the soldiers who have been on the frontlines – those wounded in body, mind and soul.

I’ve been on the frontlines and I’m telling you, it’s a place you do not want to be. It’s pure evil. And the physical pain cannot compare to the emotional soul-searing pain that endures. Please do not make the same choice that I and so very many others have made.

If you’ve already made that choice please do not feel condemned but know that what Jesus did on the cross was enough to cover your sin and mine.

Your debt was paid, you’ve already been forgiven. All you have to do is receive it and you will be free.

John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

My Shame is Undone – finding freedom in His presence

For many who know me it may be a surprise to hear that I wasn’t raised in a Christian home.
We didn’t attend church together, pray before meals/bedtimes, or talk about our need of a Savior even though a Savior is exactly what we needed. But my parents did the best that they could with wounded hearts from painful pasts and baggage they were never meant to carry.

Although it wasn’t a Christian home, there isn’t a time that I can remember not believing in God. I believed in Him, I just didn’t believe it was His plan for me to exist. Learning at a very young age that I had been adopted (by my dad), I came to the conclusion that I must be a mistake and if that were true then God couldn’t possibly have a plan for me.

Over the years I continued to believe those lies which only multiplied and left me painfully shy and even more insecure.

My purpose in sharing these things is not to hurt anyone, especially my parents, but to make others aware that what they see on the outside may not always be a reflection of what is on the inside. Those who knew me or knew of me probably had no idea of my struggles. I share my past because I don’t want anyone to look at me now and think that I didn’t have to go through difficult things in my life to get to where I am today.

If we don't deal with our past we carry it into the present and pass the pain onto future generations. Click To Tweet Unfortunately I’ve seen this in my own life and in the lives of my children.

I made choices in my past that brought much shame (only adding to the shame already left there by the choices of others). I saw little or no value in myself and therefore didn’t expect anyone else to either.

All those lies, all that shame, kept me far from any plans God had for me — exactly where the enemy wanted me.

For the most part I was able to keep my shame hidden, masking my pain until His grace found me.
You see, when Jesus chose the cross He rescued me from the prison of my past, He was the key to my freedom and now He uses my testimony to lead others to freedom.

They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.
Revelation 12:11

The enemy wants us to remain silent.
He wants us to keep those secrets hidden in the darkest corners of our hearts and minds but Jesus wants us to shine our lights to give hope to those who are prisoners to their own shameful past.

I was a mess without Jesus but my life with Him became a message. Click To Tweet

So here’s the thing, when others look at me I want them to see a life restored, redeemed, renewed. I want them to know who I used to be so that they can see what is possible with Jesus.
The truth is I was a liar, a thief, an adulteress, a murderer. I’ve been abused, betrayed, abandoned, rejected, lied to, lied about, molested, raped, divorced twice. I was all of those things and so much more but Jesus chose to die for me because of His great love for me. NO ONE  could ever love me the way that He does. And no one could do for me what He has done.

And friend, He loves you too. Do not let the enemy of your soul convince you that you’ve done too much, or gone too far for Jesus to love you.
What He did on the cross was enough to wash away all of your sins and the sins committed against you. He is the key that opens the door to set you free.

Will you let Him rescue you, redeem you, restore you, renew you? All it takes is a surrendered heart. He has a plan and a purpose for your life, don’t let it be wasted because of anything you’ve done or anything done to you. Jesus was and is enough.

Shame is undone — there is freedom in His presence. He is waiting for you…